How To Get Back With Your Ex Girlfriend

I think it’s safe to assume that if you’re still reading this site, you’re trying to figure out how to get back with your ex girlfriend.  You may be feeling lost and looking for a starting point, or maybe you’re angry at her, yourself, and damn near everyone else around.  Fair enough.  Either way, the first step to get your ex back is to sort the whole situation out mentally.

Regardless of who chose to end the relationship or what reasons were behind it, it’s human nature to create a mental story of what happened that puts yourself in a favorable light and makes the other person the bad guy.  Now, you may know that you love your ex girlfriend and want her back with all your heart, but if your subconscious is trying to paint her as the villain, you’re going to unwittingly sabotage your own efforts to get her back.

Here’s what I want you to do.  Go over the incident that led to your breakup again in your head, and find 3 things that you think were her fault.  It can be anything, body language, tone of voice, something she said, whatever.  Once you’ve got your 3 things, I want you to think of one thing you could have done to either change what she did, or avoid taking it personally and escalating the decision.  Here’s a sample list, made from a fight that Linsey and I had last week over the dishes, again…

1. She immediately took a defensive posture – Instead of letting that set me off, I could have taken a second to remember that the only reason she’s assuming that stance automatically is due to my previous reactions when she’s brought this particular issue up.
2. She referred to me as lazy – Instead of flashing back to high school and my mother’s nagging voice, my memories should have been focused on this past week… The week that I’ve spent catching up on 30 Rock and Dexter while Linsey’s been making dinner AND doing the dishes.  Hmm… if the shoe fits…
3. “All I need is half an hour, is that really so much to ask?” – Uh, yeah, when you expect me to just drop what I’m doing and leap at your beck and call, it is.  Except, I wasn’t really doing anything important, and I just kind of reacted and let the argument escalate instead of calmly letting her know I’d be there in 5 or 10 minutes to help out.

I’m not telling you that you need to be a spineless wimp and relegate yourself to a life of servitude to get your ex back.  Obviously you have to dig in your heels sometimes.  Here’s the thing though.  Women are creatures of emotion, and really, they just want to be understood, loved, and appreciated. On the surface, Linsey was asking me to help her out with the dishes.  But what she was really asking for was for me to recognize how much she had been spoiling me, and give her some token gesture of my appreciation.

I’m willing to bet that the fight that ended your relationship probably had an emotional undercurrent that you weren’t aware of until it was too late.  Go ahead and do the exercise, try to see things from your ex girlfriend’s point of view, and see if it doesn’t change your outlook on the situation a bit.

Understand that a lot of the time, she speaks a different language than you.  Do your best to figure out the translation and approach it from there, and you’ll get your ex back in no time.  I’ve got more tips on how to get back with your ex girlfriend coming down the pipeline, so stay tuned.

- Tyler